All Planets in Direct Motion

Here's some interesting astrology for you. From December 25th's Full Moon in Cancer GMT 11:11am, yes, you saw that correctly, 11:11) we have All Planets in Direct Motion for 11 days, till the 5th January 2016. (yes, 11 days)

Previously, astrologers would simply mark a chart 'zero retrogrades', however an astrologer, Stephanie Forest, recently saw it in a different way. Rather than zero retrogrades, what she saw was All Planets in Direct Motion. ALL planets moving in sync and harmony together and in the same direction. This only happens at seemingly random times and for differing lengths of time. 

What are these windows of time for? 

How amazing is the ability to look with new eyes, interpret something in a different way and open up a new world of ideas?

WHAT TO DO WITH ALL PLANETS DIRECT MOTION™
1. We can consider acceleration, movement and velocity as intrinsic to APDM timings, and observe or apply core potential.
2. We can open to discovery, information and/or messages during APDM.
3. We can meditate and/or dance together, or individually, apply timing and conscious focus to conceive new ideas, organic cures, set the intention, visioning.
4. We can BLOG our thoughts, observations and feelings before, during and after APDM cycles, checking for similar themes.
5. We can take note of apparent APDM themes including faith, confidence, determination.
6. It takes a Village to unpack APDM. our combined participation makes a difference. in fact APDM is all about global participation during the approaching Aquarian Age.
7. We can co-create an enlightening experience through a collective vision for the future of humanity.

Read more - http://allplanetsdirect.com/

STOP THE WAR

We got the news last night that the UK government has decided to bomb Syria. This is wrong on so many levels and will not help the situation. We are not being listened to. Our government is destroying our country. STOP THE WAR. You are not killing in my name. #notinmyname

I have seen many turn their cover photo's on Facebook black. This is a dark situation, this is a black situation, however, we need light, we need colour, we need hope...

I created this drawing last night. It flowed out, with little direction from me. A spiky rainbow emerged, colours united, angry and wanting to protect the earth and it's people.

Feel free to share and use it as your profile picture to make a stand with light, colour and hope, not more darkness and depression.

If you're on Facebook come and like my page and share/download the image from there. You can find more of my art at shaktimandala.co.uk.

They want us to be depressed and scared. What better way to defy them by continuing to create, to colour the world and bring light into everyday life?

STOP THE WAR

Recycled wax and pine cone firelighters

On my walk to the shop today, I noticed a load of dry pine cones littering the path.  On my way back, I stopped and collected around 20, good sized pine cones.  Not too small and not too big.

A friend had recently mentioned she was going to make some firelighters by dipping pine cones in wax.  I had other things to be doing but decided I'd much prefer to have a go at making some with my pine cone stash (the moon IS in Leo!).  I had lots of tea light candle stubs, another old candle that was almost all gone, and some old taper candles.

I placed all the old wax in a plastic soup tub and into a pan of water (like a bain marie) and left it simmering.  While the wax was melting, I wrapped some waxed cord around the pine cones.  I had waxed jewellery cord to hand and wanted to use why I could find, so decided it would do the job! You could use cotton or jute string.

Once the wax was melted, I took it out of the hot pan and left it to cool a little.  I added some old, out of date clove essential oil.  No good for use on me, but all good for the firelighters!  You could use up any old essential oils in this way.  You still only need a few drops, as too much oil added to the mix will stop the wax from setting hard.

If you dip the cones when the wax is very hot, not much sticks and you'll have to dip again, if you leave it too long, each dip will go on a lot thicker. If it starts getting solid, just place back in the pan of water and heat up again. I ran out of the first lot that I'd melted, so melted 3 more taper candles to complete all my pine cones.

They don't need to look pretty (unless you're making them as a gift), so leave it 5 mins then dip one, if you think the coating is too runny, wait a little longer. I placed mine in some old fairy cake cups as I thought they would be messy, but actually, I needn't have bothered. The paper would have been fine.

Leave them to cool and harden.

Place in your fire stack and light the cord near to the top of the cone.  Lighting paper around the cones will help get them going too.  I've stored mine in an old chocolate tin.

Voila! recycled wax and pine cone firelighters!

I made 22 in a couple of hours (if that).  I'll definitely be doing that again.

You will need -

Dry pine cones
Wick - cotton or jute, thin string or cord.
Old candles, left over bits and unused stubs of wax.
Old essential oils, out of date is good! Can't use it on the skin, may as well fragrance the fire!
Old plastic tub for melting wax in.
Pan of water to use as a bain marie.

The Shamanic Artist

The Shamanic Artist by Cat Hawkins

"It has taken me almost as long to to call myself a shaman (or rather, class what I do as shamanic) as it has to call myself an artist. You never feel that you could possibly be on such a path... surely that kind of thing is for fairytale.  Then you realise there is much power and symbolism in the things you see around you, the things that come into your mind and heart, the messages that flow through you and manifest in colour and shape, and they are the only things that excite you and make sense! Following a Shamanic path brings as many doubts and challenges as it does when you follow a path in the arts.  Few people take you seriously or understand what you do, quite often you're not even quite sure what it is you do!  You can find yourself wishing you were just happy and content in a 'normal' job as it would be much more reliable and straight forward.  Art? Spirituality? Shamanism? not exactly the easiest paths to take.

Being a shaman, working shamanically, means being fully present, living your truth and walking your talk.  It calls you to find your authentic self.  It calls you to help others and to share your gifts. As an artist, I feel the same level of calling.  My art has been the one true and centred voice throughout all my years of finding myself.  It helped to unravel and sort through the intense mix of emotions and problems I have had.  My art is as important to me as my spirituality, my beliefs and my healing.  I look back over my life and I see a dark time.  Many people who come to shamanism do so after or during a difficult time in their life.  For me, it was depression, a hormone disorder, anger and childhood trauma.  Over the years of illness and depression, when life felt it was too hard and unbearable, I would draw, paint and create.  I had not been able to finish my degree at art college due to the birth of my second child, but decided that art was at least one subject you could do without going to college.  Leaving university gave me the freedom to experiment with my art, try new things. I have always loved mandalas, folk art, symbolic and abstract art, and anything to do with colour healing and symbolism.  In fact, over the years of self study into witchcraft, paganism, tarot, colour healing and seasonal festivals, I had developed quite a knowledge and passion for symbols and correspondences..."

To read the rest of this article, please click HERE.

A change in direction.

It's November, and I promised myself I would start writing again this year... well, the year's not over yet, so let see if I can get into the swing of this again!

My work with the menstrual cycle continues but my main focus this year has been meditation, art and stepping out into the world with some new ideas, new experiences and figuring out where I'm at after a long period of recovery and learning to manage my moods and menstrual cycle.

This summer has been intense. So much going on, so much changing and shifting.  You can read all about it on the blog at my main art website www.shaktimandala.co.uk.

4 weeks ago, I was travelling to meet a Shamanic teacher, ready to start a years 1-1 study.  The work had already begun earlier that year when she popped up on Facebook with a friend request and we got chatting. On the way to my first day workshop, everything changed. I had a car accident. I was hit from behind by an 18 tonne lorry. It sounds terrifying right? the blessing is that I don't have any memory of the accident at all.  One minute I was about to make a turn, the next I was lying on a hospital bed. Apparently I'd got out the car and was breathalysed, so despite physically functioning, my brain chose to lose the visual memories. Thank you brain. I suffered a head injury and damaged my shoulder and spent a few hours having x-rays and scans. This came after 8-10 weeks of solid work to prepare art for a London show.  I'd been slowing down, I'd been resting after pushing it all summer, but obviously not quite enough.

The accident was a shock. An abrupt stop. A forceful impact. I had no choice and I didn't see it coming.  When something like this happens you can't help but be forced to stop and re-evaluate, re-assess and recover.  The work I had been doing over the summer was great, I enjoyed it all, however, it is pretty alien to me to create lots of work to sell. I tend to potter along creating what I feel like, enjoying the odd challenge in getting a commission, and only recently (as money becomes tighter and tighter) has there been any need to try and sell my work. I had put aside the inspirations that had been tugging at my harem's all year, in favour of working on things more appropriate to the show I was attending. Since the accident I've realised that that has actually affected me quiet a lot, and I needed a real change in direction to get me back in touch.

I could ramble on forever about everything that has happened, and I may, in future blogs, but for now my intention is to let you know that I have started a Shamanic Art group on Facebook where I will share art tips, progress pics, inspirations, astrology info and techniques to get others starting to live more creatively. My teacher told me after I explained how useless and helpless I was feeling after the accident, that I should think of myself as having beginners eyes, Experiencing a Shamanic death leaves you disorientated and almost wary of the world around you. It got a bit Matrix there for a moment!

If you would like to know more about the Art Group, please check out my other blog post, and my art page www.facebook.com/chaoticatcreations. All are welcome, male and female.

Once I managed to start drawing again, I drew Ganesh. When I looked at the meanings and symbolism of Ganesh I was blown away! couldn't be more appropriate.

Once I had discovered it had been a huge lorry that hit me, Jagannath had come to mind. Hindu God of the Universe. The word Jagannath is where our word juggernaut comes from. A huge, unstoppable force. He is described as the 'ecstatic form of Krishna', albeit a rather strange one. He is the only God that is made out of wood. All others are made from stone or metal. Jagannath is also significant in that I learnt of him through a half century old photo from my Grandmothers collection of pictures taken in India. She must have visited the temple at some point.

So.. yeah... lots happening.  Hopefully you'll hear from me again soon!

Chat it's fate magazine.

Today, my story came out in the August edition of Chat it's fate magazine.  I was contacted by them earlier in the year to share my story about PMDD, the menstrual cycle and my art.  I felt this was a way to raise some awareness of how severe PMS can become, along with how I came to heal myself from the worst symptoms.  If you would like to read my story you can find it in all larger newsagents for the next month.

If you are interested in finding out more about PMDD, please check out my PMDD blog, Meet My PMDD, or visit the UK's National Association for Premenstrual Syndrome (NAPS) or the USA's National Association for Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.

To find out more about the alternative ways of understanding the menstrual cycle, please have a read through this blog, particularly the article I wrote for Indie Shaman magazine, The Magic of the Menstrual Cycle and my experience at a menstrual workshop with Alexandra Pope.

Sign up to learn more about your menstrual cycle with Red School Online.  Red School Online is a new way to learn about your cycle, with peer support, fantastic learning tools and private group chat.  Go check it out!

Red School also features some of my work in their teaching materials, you can find my poster in my Etsy store.  If you would like to see more of my feminine art work, please visit my gallery over at chaoticat.com.

Hello World. POSTERS back in stock!

You may have noticed it's been quiet and things are slowly changing round here.  There are more changes to come, but the most important thing right now is that the Menstrual cycle poster is now in it's 2nd reprint. Orders are being taken and stock will be sent out after 20th July 2015.

I feel honoured that my poster and chart has made it's way into the new online programme being offered by Alexandra and Sjanie at Red School (formerly the Women's Quest).  If you have been after a poster, my apologies!  It's been a tricky year so far and I've had to go with the flow as so many others are having to do.  

CLICK HERE TO GO STRAIGHT TO MY ETSY STORE

The poster has had a few tweaks.  A shorter title and updated logo, but other than that it's the same as before.  It is now however printed onto 100% recycled paper using eco-friendly vegetable oil based inks.  The paper is also chlorine free!  Being able to offer my artwork in such a way is exciting and the quality is simply stunning.  All posters are sent out in recycled cardboard tubes.

There is no price increase.  It's still £12 for a poster but I'm also offering a discount of £20 for two posters, saving you and a friend money on the posters and the shipping.  There is no extra shipping costs if you order two posters.  It's an excellent time to buy one for you and gift one to your favourite girlfriend.

So for now, please go check out my Etsy store and share with your friends.  More changes are coming here, so watch this space (as they say!).

Menstrual Cycle Posters

For those of you thinking about purchasing a poster, I am almost sold out of A4 Secret Feminine Energy posters, so if you would like one, please purchase soon as I may not be getting any more printed.

I have also decided to give away a FREE menstrual guide with every A3 poster purchased while stocks last.

You can find all my posters in my Etsy store

If it's your first Etsy purchase, you can get £5 off if you spend over £10 by clicking this link http://etsy.me/1xVg453 (more info can be found HERE)

https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/ShaktiMandala

My Kundalini Yoga Weekend

This weekend I was to start my Kundalini Yoga teacher training. I tried Kundalini yoga out for the first time just over 18 months ago and completely loved it. I met an amazing teacher who inspired me in many ways, and despite it being a while since I've seen her, still inspires me. It is very true that inspirational and influential people can be met through chance, short or fleeting moments, it is also true that trying things for yourself is the only way to really know if something is right for you or not.
Recently, with the equinox, things in my life changed. Something in me changed. Chatting to another wonderful lady who is also up there on my inspiration list, she shared she was starting a yoga teaching course. I felt again the pangs desire, feelings I have felt many many times over the past 15 years of my on and off dance with yoga. I have always wanted to be in a position to do a teaching course, mainly so I could learn more, know more, and feel confident in my own yoga practice.
I've tried a few types of yoga, most recently something that is commonly called 'yoga flow'. In one lesson I knew this type of yoga wasn't for me, and found myself on the Kundalini training website again looking at their training courses. It's great value for money and the venue is quite local, so I found a way to source the finances and made inquiries. They had spaces and the course started 3 weeks later.

In those 3 weeks I thought a lot about whether this was right for me. They have an option of doing the first 2 weekends to see if the course is right for you, so I signed up with the added bonus that if for whatever reason it wasn't right for me, I could walk away without losing a lot of money. I felt the fear many times. In my research there were things that didn't sit too well with me, but me being me and pretty open minded, I knew that it's pretty closed and judgemental not to try something just because there are a few reservations or feelings of fear. New things always bring us face to face with fears, the most basic being 'Can I do this?' but I saw it all as a challenge and as a potential way to change my way of life. I enjoy yoga, I enjoy chanting and singing, and I'd loved the way the Kundalini sessions I'd been to had made me feel. So I didn't go in cold, I went to another session local to me and walked out feeling great and positive this was what I wanted to do.

The course is complete immersion. One weekend a month for 10 months. Living 'ashram style' in shared rooms, basic accommodation with as much importance put on SEVA (selfless service) as attending the lectures, workshops and yoga classes. You are given a SEVA group and throughout the weekend your group is on a rota for preparing and serving food, washing up and clearing, and cleaning duties. Your day starts at 4am. Up ready and showered for Aquarian Sadhana at 5am. I had been to an Aquarian Sadhana at the local Gudwara (Sikh Temple) so I knew what to expect. I had actually enjoyed the early morning practice at the Temple, so although I knew it would be challenging, I wasn't quite prepared for how I would feel on my first weekend. There were many more people there than I had expected (around 50). A mixture of new and old students who were back to complete their training by teaching and leading the new students.

After overcoming all my fears before the weekend, I got there excited to get stuck in. I felt a little out of my depth straight away as it seemed everyone else had already been there hours and were all happily chatting together. It felt a bit like a first day at school, or crashing a party. I had been show my room where I grabbed a top bunk bed that was situated on it's own in the corner of the room. I wasn't quite ready to sleep right next to a stranger. We had supper and our first workshop and meditation. Bed was at 9 and my room mates were lovely. A couple shared hugs and their own fears of feeling a little out of their depth and we all shared a little about our lives back home. It was difficult to sleep, and I found myself awake for most of the night. I knew I had slept at some point as I had a dream, but the majority of the night was spent tossing and turning trying to shield myself from the smoke alarm light and waiting for the 4am alarm to go off. When the alarm went off it was a relief, time to get up, get showered and into white clothes with head covering for the Sadhana at 5am. The first part of morning practice is the reading of the Jap Ji, a very long prayer, read in Gurmukhi. Sitting in the lotus position (or easy pose) you listen to the sounds and meditate on them. It lasts around 45 mins. Then you go into a 45 min yoga practice. The yoga practice was good, if a little cramped as there were so many of us crammed into a small room. Once the yoga was finished we sat again for the chanting. There are set chants that each last 7 or 5 mins, and one that lasts for 21 mins. A guitarist came in to provide live music which was truly lovely, and I enjoyed singing along to the chants I knew and had been practicing. It's 7.30am by the time you finish and breakfast is served at 8am.

I found myself feeling really overwhelmed. I'm sure the lack of sleep had a lot to do with it. I cried a little and went for breakfast. Sitting with a lovely girl who had seen me struggling a little the night before, the tears came and I could barely finish breakfast. I shared my feelings with a couple of others back in the bedroom and all were really supporting, loving and caring. No one likes to see someone else crying, and they were all doing their best to reassure me and support me. The problem was, I couldn't stop. The feeling in me was of utter despair. What was I doing here? Why didn't I feel the same as the others? Why did I not come out of the morning practice feeling enlivened and happy? Why did I not feel at peace? I soldiered on, attending the SEVA meeting and learning more about what was involved. I just felt even more overwhelmed. I went to my SEVA group meeting in the kitchen and we did another short meditation as there was not a lot to discuss, and the tears kept coming. By this point I was feeling really embarrassed and conscious that lots of people had noticed me crying. I went and sat near a door with a view to the gardens. The venue was utterly stunning and I wish I had had a good walk around them. My newly adopted friend came and hugged me and asked if I'd spoken to any of the leaders. I hadn't. It all felt so busy and time seemed tight and I didn't want to hold things up or get in the way of the schedule. She went and told someone that I was feeling distressed and a few others came and sat with me and offered support. I missed the workshop. I spent it talking to one of the group leaders, and then another, and then another. All had words of encouragement and advice. All were lovely and supportive and the offer was made for them to support me bit by bit throughout the day so I could at least stay for the next yoga session and teachings in the evening. All wanted me to give the whole weekend a go before I made the decision on whether to continue with the course. I was told to go and catch up on some sleep, as the yoga session had already started by this point, and maybe after some more sleep and lunch I would be able to continue.

I went and sat up on my bunk bed and knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep. I called home, I chatted to a friend online. I was wrestling with that nasty little voice telling me I was useless, I was wasting an opportunity, I'd wasted money, asking how I could possibly bail out after one measly night... Family and friends back home had all been so supportive and excited for me and I felt a little like I was letting them down. Reassurances from them and words of support helped, and I realised that I wasn't doing this to prove anything to anyone. I had chosen this course and path as I'd thought it would be good for me. I thought it would be fun.. hard work.. but fun, enlightening and transformational. So far I hadn't really felt fun, or happiness, or peace... Again I found myself judging and comparing myself to others. 50 people were enjoying it, or at least seeming to enjoy it. I was not under any illusion that I was the only one struggling, but I was the only one openly showing how difficult I was finding it. I couldn't even put my finger on it... was it the lack of sleep? was it homesickness? was it because I'd felt more like I was in a church singing praises to someone else's God/Guru/Deity? was it because I was in the white uniform? was it because I just felt lost, or unworthy of having time to myself to follow my path away from the family and home? So much was running through my head. I must have lost pints of tears.

After another hour or so of hiding in the bedroom I looked at the clock. 1pm. If I'm staying I need to sort myself out and prepare myself for another 8 hours of work before bed at 9pm. I was already fragile, the tears wouldn't stop, the thought of another night of no sleep and the lack of energy made me realise that I couldn't stay. I didn't want my hand held through every class, or my absence being noted. I had been told I could sit out, attend or not attend... whatever I needed to do was OK and everyone understood. I had shared some of my story and personal battles and that maybe, it was too soon to be trying something this intense. Despite everything, I made the decision to leave. I immediately felt some relief. Sitting with conflicting thoughts, with two choices and not knowing what to do is uncomfortable, once one path or the other is chosen there is relief the battle is over. I packed up my things, stripped my bed and found the lady I'd been talking to. She understood and with no judgement said she would help me to my car with my things. I hugged all the lovely people that had in such a short time felt like they'd become friends, and gave a couple of them my email address. I didn't feel like a failure, I just felt like I'd made the right decision for me in that moment. I couldn't wait to get home and hug my husband and daughter, be on home ground and have my own bed. I was worried about driving home so tired, but it wasn't too far and I knew that I just had to get home.

I felt relief and a touch of sadness that it hadn't worked out. Again the voice in my head was trying to pipe up with negative thoughts.. oooh.. what will all your online friends think? you were so excited and told everyone what you were doing.. how embarrassing it will be to share that actually you couldn't hack it and didn't even stay the whole weekend... I shut that voice up quickly and thought about what I had learned about myself in my short stay there. I had learned a LOT about myself. It had been a valuable experience even if it was not in the way I'd hoped. I have learned that there is a reason I've always stayed away from organised religion. Kundalini yoga is not a religion, but it's hard to separate the religious aspect from it. Maybe religion is the wrong word.. let's call it organised spirituality. I turned away from witchcraft many years ago for the same reasons (although I actually felt much more love and support from the Kundalini Yogi's than I ever did when I was in a coven). My spirituality is a weird eclectic mix of beliefs, it's always been pretty solitary, and I'm fine with that. I understand there are processes and techniques out there to speed up or enable your connection to the divine, but as I stood at my back door looking at the stars I realised that I was in my church, I was already doing OK. I have a strong faith, a strong connection to the divine. It's my own little mix of things that allow me to feel it, it's my own journey and experiences that have brought me to this point, and I don't NEED anything else to make me feel more spiritual. I love yoga, but I felt this course was far more than just yoga.. I mean, that's why I chose it! Unfortunately, the other stuff included on the course, the spiritual side was too much for me... I had already worried about not feeling like 'me' by the end of it, and I wasn't comfortable with certain aspects of the experience. I was strong enough to know quickly that this wasn't for me. Strong enough to leave and not feel pressure to stay to try and prove something. I was strong enough to make a decision on my own and despite the embarrassment, strong enough to walk away with no regrets. It made me realise how much I love my life, home and family just the way it is, how much I loved and trusted my close friends and my own judgement to know what's right for me. I would still love to train in yoga, but training the Kundalini way was not for me.

Everyone says the course is transformational. They are right. In less than 24 hours I learned so much about myself. I left feeling stronger, not weaker. I left appreciating what I have and already know. It was not a waste, it was not a failure. There are some times in life when you need to push through the fear and persevere, and there are times when you just know in your heart and soul that something is not right for you. This was one of those times. I am gutted it didn't work out, I am sad that the path I had though was right actually wasn't, but it's not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. Turning up, being present, being open to knew experiences and cultures, new ideas and ways of living is not a bad way to be, but being prepared to listen to your gut, your soul and intuition to keep yourself safe is recommended.

I got up this morning just before 6am. The MotoGP was on and my husband and daughter were already planning on an early start to watch the race. I got up and joined them. I felt safe again at home with my own bed and the people I love around me. We went for a walk to catch the sunrise and as I stood looking around the gorgeous countryside I realised again that I don't need much more. My connection to nature, the trees, the stars, the Moon, the Sun.. walking with the family and watching the leaves fall off the trees is enough. The whole world is my temple and I have no rules about what time I need to honor them or for how long. I walk in my own way, dancing to my own tune. My art, my crazy weird mixed up set of beliefs, my selfless service to my family is all I need. We are all spiritual beings, we can chose to follow others, abide by rules, chose an established path or follow our own. Freedom is blessing, and if one thing this weekend showed me, it's how to count my blessings and feel good about what I am and already have. I have already transformed my life massively from how I was just a few years ago, and maybe continuing on this course would have led to further transformation. Maybe I'm not ready for that just yet, maybe the Kundalini yoga path is just not right for me and maybe it never will be. I can accept that with loving gratitude and feel at peace with the fact I tried it, first hand and made my own mind up. Who knows what's next for me? For now, I'm happy with what I've got, and happy in the knowledge that my life is just fine. I like the freedom of choice, I like who I am and right now, I don't really need to change a thing.

Mandala Painting Workshop

I'm running a Mandala Painting Workshop next month!  If you are local to Winchester, Hampshire, UK, maybe you'd like to come along!

SATURDAY 26TH JULY 2014 10-5PM

Friends Meeting House, 16 Colebrook Street, Winchester SO23 9LH

Mandalas have been created and used for centuries by many different
cultures. From ancient carvings, monuments, rose windows in churches, Native American medicine wheels and Tibetan sand mandalas. The Circle plays an important part of our spiritual history and development all over the globe.
Used as a tool to aid meditation and spiritual growth, Mandalas are an easy, enjoyable way to connect to your creative and spiritual side, even if you haven’t drawn a thing since you were a child!
Mandalas work symbolically as a container for energy, intention and
vibration, and can allow the creator a space for non-verbal expression.

No previous drawing skills are needed! All are welcome (16+)
You will design and paint your own mandala in a secluded and peaceful
setting. All materials and lunch provided.
PRICE £40 (EARLYBIRD £35 BEFORE JULY 1ST)

More information - http://chaoticat.com/workshops/mandala-painting-workshop2672014

Hello 2014!

Apologies to all of my subscribers and friends who may have disappointed in the lack of posts throughout 2013.  Sometimes you just have a year that throws as much at you as possible to see if you'll cope, and it seems 2013 was my year for it.

So with the arrival of a new year, I feel I should try and update this blog more often, and maybe even give it a facelift.  I am so amazed at the fan base that has grown on Facebook... I'm nearly at 1000 fans! which is just crazy!  I tend to post more regularly to FB than here, so if you want to keep in touch, you can find my page here. https://www.facebook.com/naturalshaman

Life is pretty good at the moment.  I am busy with art requests and paintings, courses and moving my work forward.  Despite the rain, I am looking forward to this year with eager anticipation.
Last year, I studied for my PTLLS (Preparing to Teach in the Lifeling Learning Sector) certificate, and am currently training to be a Meditation Teacher.  I am also studying for a Colour Therapy Diploma.  I have ideas and plans and am hoping 2014 is the year things get moving for me.

PMDD still troubles my life, however to even be sitting in this position, planning a future and setting goals is nothing short of a miracle.  Everything I have learned about cycle awareness, seasonal correspondences, observation and mindfulness has got me to this point.. the journey hasn't even finished yet, but even if it had, I am so happy to be where I am now.  I'm certain there are some major astrological influences to things changing, but I will not do myself an injustice.. I have worked hard to get to this point.  My determination to get my mental health under control, deal with my demons, look after myself, discover who I really am under the mood storms and depression is a relentless, never ending task. Thankfully, my main focus is no longer on just surviving.. now that I have learned how to walk from scratch, I can start thinking about running.. maybe even dancing...

Here's to 2014... it's gonna be busy and productive...

As I prepare to bleed.

As I prepare to bleed I am taken over by creative energy.  I want to sink into a world of colour and shape.  No noise, no demands, just colour and shape.

Last weekend I delved into a project to revamp (upcycle) an old garden bench.  I didn't want to talk.  I didn't want to be bothered.  I just wanted to sit alone and paint.  Sit alone and paint I did, although nothing stops the children talking!

This is the result.  The result of my autumn, my pre menstrual phase.  Allowing myself the space and time, focusing my mind, sinking into creation...

Wonderful Women's Day

I have very kindly been asked to talk about PMDD at a local Wonderful Women's Day.

The whole day is incorporating lots of activities, including an opportunity to experience Miranda Gray's Womb blessing in the company of others, AND a viewing of the film 'Things we don't talk about'.

If you live in the Hampshire area, why don't you come along!

For more details about activities please click the following links.

Miranda Gray's Womb Blessing http://www.wombblessing.com/
(You must register with Miranda to receive the womb blessing, chose 12 noon as the time if you are coming along on the day)

'Things we don't talk about' - Red Tent Movie http://www.redtentmovie.com/
(Admission to film only will be at 5.30pm with a suggested donation of £7)

Event run and organised by The Dreadess http://www.thedreadess.com/#/wonderful-womens-day/4576189163

Micro Blog!

Been really busy.
Life has been like a little girl with a curl.
Been developing my meditation practice, it's going well.  It's inspired me to teach meditation so I enrolled on a course... or two, yes, I enrolled on two courses, a PTLLS certificate and a meditation teacher certificate.  New career here I come...
Having to write essays and homework along with all the usual stuff.
Had a nightmare weekend (days 24-25) but I recovered swiftly and day 28 became day 1 today!  YES! (urgh cramps...)
I'm off camping soon... come rain or bloody shine, need a night or two under the stars.
Lots of art work to do, good stuff in the pipeline.
Building the PMDDAUK website, trying to maintain momentum. Dealing with PMDD queries and stories.  Lot's of ideas, too little time.
Started learning kundalini yoga.  IT'S FANTASTIC.  Possibly my favourite way to spend an hour.
Learning lots of chants and mudras.
Loving life.  Working hard.  Taking the highs with the lows.. still losing my mind occasionally, but there's too much to lose now.. too much to do, to build to grow...

Sending love to all of you...
Remember... (always)... It will pass.

Dhumavati

It was cycle day 25.

I was standing in the garden. Sun was shining and it actually felt like spring! While chatting to to my mother and sister in law, I see a huge, and I mean HUGE black crow, fly straight into the window of the house out the back. Everyone turned round to see what had made the loud noise, and we all watched as the crow that had landed on the porch of the house, launched itself at the window to the right. Another almighty knock and off it flew... We were all amazed to see it fly off unharmed, as the noise was beak cracking.

Straight away a memory came to the fore. A few days ago... I saw a crow do the same thing to the same house... Hmm... when had I been out in the garden (there haven't been many days warm enough). Last Monday (Cycle day 20). George was finishing off the shed roof. It was sunny. I was out the back and witnessed the same thing, although this one hadn't come back for seconds, just crashed into the window and flew off behind the house..

Then, another recent memory pop's into my mind. Last weekend Fae had been singing 'Sing a song of sixpence'. She'd found an old childhood book of mine and found this one ditty very amusing, puzzling and worthy of much chatter. She kept showing me the picture... black birds flying around a pie.

Crows and black birds had been in my mind for a while, I have been planning to draw or paint a crow or crows, and it's not the first time. A couple of years or so ago I was called by the crow. I think now and then our paths cross, only I hadn't really connected before.

After researching the common meanings of the crow, I googled Hindu Crow (I have been looking a lot at Hindu Deities after hearing Durga's call recently) and up came Dhumavati.

Dhumavati is the hag, the crone, the old, dark goddess. Her name means 'The Smoky One'. 

She is the void, the dissolved form of consciousness. Her creature is the crow, a carrion eater and symbol of death and decay. Some stories say she has crow like features. She is often pictured on a horseless carriage with a winnowing basket (a tool used for sorting the wheat from the chaff), a spear or sword, a broom and a kapala (a bowl made from a human skull). She can be found in 'the wounds of the world'... cemeteries, cremation grounds, smoky fires, deserts, ruined houses and wild dangerous places. 

She is often named as the seventh Mahavidya. The Mahavidyas (Great Wisdoms) are a group of the ten aspects of the Divine Mother. The 10 Mahavidyas are Wisdom Goddesses, who represent a spectrum of feminine divinity, from horrific goddesses at one end, to the gentle at the other.

She is now a widow, but was once Shiva's first consort Sati. Sati's hunger was insatiable, she demanded food constantly and could never be satisfied. Shiva refused her demands, so she announced she would eat him instead. After consuming her husband, Shiva, he demanded her to disgorge him, which she did with reluctance. He then cursed her and condemned her to a lifetime of widowhood. On hearing this smoke emanated from her, clouding her beauty. He named her Dhumavati. She was from that moment on, alone, banished to the cemetary where she stole clothes from the dead.

She obscures and reveals. She reveals those things that are imperfect and disappointing. She is defeat, loss, destruction and loneliness. She is cruel, ugly and disheveled. She is the embodiment of lust and ignorance. Always hungry and thirsty, she yearns for food and drink. She likes to create conflict, arguments and invokes fear. Dhumavati is always in a sad state and represents unsatisfied desires. She makes herself a widow by swallowing her husband Shiva in an act of power, independence and self assertion.

She teaches us that life is a struggle. You learn from the negative experiences in life and through them, you develop wisdom. She points out the negative, so you can learn from it. The bowl of fire she holds burns ignorance and also symbolises that all things are eventually destroyed. She is often pictured making a boon conferring gesture (Varada mudra) or knowledge giving gesture (Cinmudra). These hand postures open up a more positive aspect to this goddess. A boon is something to be thankful for, a blessing. She represents the wisdom that can be found through experience, the knowledge that hides in the smoke.

Dhumavati asks us to look beyond small ambitions. She may seem like a dark and negative inauspicious Goddess, but she offers special powers and knowledge. She instills a desire to be alone, to go within, to delve into ourselves. Without a consort she is free to follow her spiritual path, free of family responsibilities.

"Dhumavati symbolically portrays the disappointments, frustrations, humiliation, defeat, loss, sorrow and loneliness that a woman endures. She is the knowledge that comes through hard experiences, after the youthful desires and fantasies are put behind. Dhumavati thus represents a stage of woman’s life that is beyond worldly desires, beyond the conventional taboos of what is polluting or inauspicious. She desires to be free and at the same time she likes to be useful to the family and to the society." http://vedicgoddess.weebly.com/3/post/2012/08/devi-dhumavati.html

The crow symbol also has a positive side. They are symbolic of hearing ‘unheard’ sounds. Crows can hear very low sound frequencies, inaudible to humans. They also show remarkable intelligence. In Hindu belief, crows are considered ancestors as seen during sraddha practice of offering food or panda. Crows ask us to listen carefully to your instincts, feelings and dreams.

She is associated it the waning and dark moon. Goddess Dhumavati is a good teacher. By obscuring or covering all that is known, Dhumavati reveals the depth of the unknown. Dhumavati obscures what is evident in order to reveal the hidden and the profound. Honor her by lighting incense or creating a smoky fire. Offer her flowers, wine, food and anything else indulgent. Worship her alone. She is for you and you alone. Dhumavati is also known as Alakshmi, the anti-lakshmi. Lakshmi is the Goddess of family, hearth and home. Dhumavarti is the opposite. Alone, away from the home. She looks after unmarried people, the single, widowed, the poor, beggars and the diseased.

The day after the crow/window incident, my attention was drawn to a local church. It is no longer used as a church, but is now part of the Church Heritage Trust. It is one of my favourite places, and usually quiet and 'abandoned'. I felt I just HAD to go there. I took some incense with me to light in honour of Dhumavati. A walk in the grave yard led me to two black feathers. I went inside the church and placed the feathers on the altar and lit the incense. I sat for a while, alone in the church. The stained glass was memerising, and the incense broke up the cold musty church smell. I left just as a local turned up to the church. Perfect timing! As I drove home, one word popped into my head. Acknowlegement. I hadn't really known why I'd felt compelled to go the church, but on the way back I understood. That simple act had been a show of acknowledgement. She's made me aware of her presence, so I made her aware I had listened and that she existed to me.

I began drawing on Day 2.  Just after the New Moon. In full bleed, with full connection to the energy. Crow images have filled my news feed, and I was having constant thoughts about the smoky Goddess. Images, ideas and visions flowing through my mind. The image had been nagging me for days, it's call getting louder and louder till I could ignore it no more. The image was finished at the same time as I stopped bleeding. When I create a shamanic piece of work, something I am called to create, it flows... it draws itself in a way. I am just a channel.

The more I read about Dhumavati, the more I could relate her to menstruation. She IS the energy many fear, the energy women with PMDD battle with. She is The Critic, The Bitch, The Unsatisfied. The bleeding phase is attributed to the crone, but where else do we get a description of the crone energy in so much detail as with the legend of Dhumavati? When our pre menstrual tempers fly and we act like a spoilt children, we are showing that insatiable desire, we are demanding it our way. Many times in this phase I have broken off relationships and wanted to walk away from my family... and yes, the desire to be alone with my thoughts, with myself, was powering that. I wanted to be the widow, and I would create the situation so I could end up alone. I would toy with thoughts of death during this time. My worst suicidal moments have been in the days before my period was due. Do I break up with my man and become alone, a widow? Do I walk out on my kids and create that loneliness and sadness? Do I end it all now, be transformed in my death? the ultimate tragic story?

I look back and I can see the Dhumavati moments. I can recall how I felt. I have felt how Dhumavati feels. I know that desire, that frustration when things don't work out the way you want them, the fear, the deep sadness. What I missed before was the boons, the blessings, the things I could have been learning if only I had understood. When the anger hits, the disappointment, the seemingly random and uncalled for actions and words wanting to destroy everything around you, you are feeling Dhumavati energy. What is REALLY behind the anger? What is REALLY the desire that isn't being fulfilled? Look at your life. What are you denying yourself? What are you hungry for? I think those crazy moments before a bleed are down to those things deep within that want to be fulfilled, lived out, worked on and learned from. Sort the wheat from the chaff, sweep the room, get rid of the rubbish in your life that you don't need... those things that make life harder. Look within. It may be difficult to figure out what it is you want from life, that is the nature of smoke and darkness, but keep looking, it will come, it will become clear. Learn from The Smoky One. Don't allow her energy to rule you, to create quarrels and situations where you end up the widow (unless, that is what you want!) On the other hand, her energy can really help with ridding things from your life you don't need anymore. In some relationships, the widow option is the better one, for the sake of your sanity and future!

In the winter phase, menstruation, we are cleansing. The unfertilised egg is being cleansed from the body ready for a new cycle. The body and mind feels a sadness for the potential that didn't become a life, maybe we also sense the frustration of a perfectly good egg going to waste... we begin to analyse the rest of our life. Where am I going? What good am I? I've wasted my life, I should be alone, I am a failure... Even in her condemnation, Dhumavati found the positive. She turned to the people that needed help, that are alone, that are outcast from society. She helps us to find the wisdom we all have inside, while at the same time encouraging us to look at whether we are fulfilling our own potential. She helps us to see what is holding us back, and what is good and bad for us in our lives.

So, with thanks to Dhumavati...

Dhum Dhum Dhumavati Svaha - Dhumavati's mantra is said to create a protective smoke shield that protects you from negativity and death. It helps remove illusions and allows you to see the unseen. Meditate on the void, the emptiness, the darkness. It enables us to 'read between the lines', to see past our initial judgements and prejudices. Don't look at the subject, look around the subject.

I never expected that seeing a crow hit a window would take me on such a journey, but it did... and I for one, am very grateful.

Namaste

Help a fellow sister!

Colette Nolan founder of http://cherishthecunt.com/ is looking for funding for her new project 'Honesty'.  The following is from her Sponsume page.

It is our aspiration to become a Community Interest Company called 'Honesty' with the goal to empower and educate women and girls so that they can gain the autonomy and self love to make informed choices about their sexual health and mental well-being.
We want to provide truthful facts about contraception, menstruation, body image and sexual health in a fun and accessible way. We wish to create educational resources and distribute them for free to health clinics, youth groups and community centres. We also hope to run 8 week courses based on the resources.
We need money for our rent, bills and resources. We are asking for £900 which will cover our core costs for three months while we write funding bids for a bigger amount as a CIC.
In return you will be gifted with Cunt themed treats.
With Cunty Love  ({*}),
Colette and Elaine AKA Lady Cunt Love and Madame Mega Muff.

I had the pleasure of meeting Colette on a workshop with Alexandra Pope.  Her ventures are brave and inspiring.  I have personally sponsored, and am looking forward to my cunty badges.

An amount as little as £3 will help.  Go on, you know you want a badge that says I heart my cunt!

To my friends...

(written to the friends close to me in real life and on Facebook...  wanted to share here with a wider audience and explain why I have been a bit quiet with posts, and why I may not have responded to messages/emails recently)

The whole month of March has been a struggle. This past week being (hopefully) the lowest I could get.

Lots of you, my friends, have been worried, and I feel terrible for worrying you or causing any of you upset. This guilt often means I start to spiral inwards even more, and the negative feelings grow. It has been a long time since I have written like this, but I feel it's the only way to try and help myself, and others, understand.

As most of you know, I have a mood/hormone disorder... at least, that's how you will understand it in the 'normal' way. The label Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder is something I am trying to move away from, but it's the easier label to give when trying to explain what I go through. It's medical. It's a real disorder. No one knows what causes it or how best to treat it. It's still not widely known about, or should I say, it's widely misdiagnosed as bipolar, borderline personality disorder, depression... Many sufferers feel schizophrenic, although, unlike schizophrenia, we rarely lose all concept of one personality in favour of the other, but rather stay in state of transition, the battle, the fight between two aspects of the self. We also tend to remain consciously aware of all our actions even when we feel like we have no control over them. PMDD cycles are monthly and therefore, when the symptoms are particularly bad, they can really take their toll on your physical and mental health.

So I have that going on... I hit challenging times almost every month, but since coming off all medications etc I have got a much better hold on this. I have learned how to manage my month, my LIFE, around it. I know my energy changes and fluctuates. There are better times of the month for socialising and times when I have to hide away. I know my cycle well, and can predict when I will have enough energy to go out and be social and when I will be struggling with tiredness and need to rest.

This week however, I was not at a point in my cycle when I should be going through this stuff. Day 7 is usually a time of increasing energy, busy-ness, lots of ideas and planning.. becoming more social etc I had had a particularly crap cycle anyway, coupled with my birthday, which this year I was really not up for celebrating.. the 'depression' had started right back then. The negativity swallowed me up. I couldn't see the point in trying. I was easily angered, wound up, hurt, upset... I did a lot of shouting and stamping about. When these times happen, it's like I have left my body and am outside watching everything unfold. I upset my children... I pushed my man away. I rejected my friends offers of help. The negative thoughts tell me that it's all false. No one really wants to help. Everyone is judging. People think I am weird, a pain in the ass, over dramatic... it's like I can hear all the sighs of everyone when they see another negative status message. Even with lots of PMDD friends around, who I know will understand, I can't connect. I can't talk.

It's like being bound, gagged, blindfolded and thrown into a pit of terror. We would call this dysphoria, which is commonly known to include persecutory feelings and suicidal tendencies.

For 4 days I barely ate a thing. I went from not being able to get out of bed despite sleeping for hours and hours, to being unable to sleep and staying up all night. I couldn't deal with the kids. By the end of the week they were both avoiding me and trying to stay out of my way. Rhiannon doing an amazing job of being a stand in mum for Fae while I am emotionally unavailable. All of it kills me emotionally.. I do and say things I normally wouldn't. It makes me feel like a terrible person...

I've had uncontrollable flashbacks to times in my life when I was going through hell, all the emotions from those times surface. I rid myself of one thought only to be bombarded with more negative imagery and feelings. Feelings of panic and palpitations which can last all day. Fear of having to leave the house and face anyone was too much and I spent a lot of time in the dark, in my bedroom. Thoughts of escaping... running away... hurting myself. I did not get the usual suicidal feelings this time, but the desire to destroy, cause myself pain were very strong. THAT'S when keeping yourself locked away in a bedroom is a good idea. My mind was taking me to all sorts of crazy places. Should I cut off all my dreads? should I destroy the last painting I created? I could burn myself, crash the car, find something sharp... drink a bottle of vodka... (yes to me, alcohol is a form of self destruction.. it makes me ill and so would achieve the desired result). All I have to do is hang on until it passes. Wait, till the demon leaves me. Try and get through without letting any of these impulses take over. It's not easy, and as yet, I haven't figured out what I should do in these situations. What I need is a place to go while going through it all, away from my friends and family.. but it's not likely to ever be possible, so hey, you just gotta do what you can. My body has been curled up and tense all week, the pain in my back and shoulders from the tension is awful. The exhaustion from the endless thoughts and visions knocks me for six.

So, if it's happening out of cycle, at a time when I would not expect it, then I have to look at what else is going on. I follow a shamanic path. I always have, although when I was younger it took the form of witchcraft. Moving on from the restrictions and rules that are set when following such belief systems, led me to where I am now. As a woman, my cycle is shamanic in itself. Every woman has a direct connection to the Earth and the Moon. The menstrual cycle echoes the seasons of the year in it's energetic changes and also follows the phases of the moon. We are currently entering Spring. Pre ovulation. It's a transition time. The Spring Equinox this week symbolises this. A time when the Sun and the Moon are in balance, but also, a time when one half of the world welcomes in Spring and the other half kisses goodbye to Summer and is seeing in the Autumn. A duality, a time of balance and extremes all at the same time. Confusing eh?

I digress. In following a shamanic path, in dedicating myself to it, in stepping deeper into the mysteries I have to allow the necessary shifts to occur within me. Thing is, you don't get an email telling you you are about to go through another shamanic healing process... To be honest, I wasn't overly familiar with shamanic initiatory illness and it's symptoms until now, but the more I look at what is going on right now, the more it makes sense. I could just call it a breakdown, a PMDD episode that has arisen due to the stresses and strains of life, the terrible British weather and SAD, but that is almost dismissing the importance of these happenings (It does make it easier for others to understand, especially those who think shamanism etc is a load of bollox). The healing that follows the darkest times are invaluable... IF you can develop an understanding of why it's happened.

LOOK at the symptoms for shamanic initiatory illness... (these can also be symptoms of coming off psychiatric meds or the rising of the kundalini)

Shaking, vibration, altered states of consciousness ranging from comatose to euphoric, extremely long periods of insomnia or hypersomnia, inability to tolerate eating, food cravings, headaches, nausea and vomiting, nightmares, suicidality, pain, heart palpitations, fear of going crazy, feeling tormented, terror, being bed-ridden, agitation, weakness, cognitive confusion, seizures, muscular rigidity, tingling, impaired vision, hearing unusual sounds, seeing lights, other hallucinations or visions, obsessive or impulsive behavior, rages, crying jags, severe depression, vertigo, seeming drunk without taking any substance, exhaustion, chills, heat, sweating, tendency to withdrawal and agoraphobia.
(http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/91-kundalini-shamanic-initiatory-illness/)

I can tick off many of the above and have just experienced them. There is much documented about how shamans view schizophrenia and episodes like the one I have just described. In fact such things as schizophrenia do not exist in shamanic tribes. Shamans would view these things as a spirit trying to contact the living world, or a possession of a body by a spirit. Likewise, PMS or PMDD would not exist in these circles either. Women's menstruation was seen as a very powerful thing, and an essential part of their (and the tribe's) spiritual well being. Menstruation, itself, is an altered state of being/consciousness. You can read more about how shaman's deal with mental illness in the following link. It's an amazing article. http://www.jaysongaddis.com/2010/11/the-shamanic-view-of-mental-illness/

I can't say for sure that this is some kind of shamanic thing going on... but I also don't class myself as truly mentally ill. I am also not a flaky character that can't deal with the things life throws at her, as I have gone through a whole heap of difficult situations and life traumas over the years and am still here to tell the tale. My counselor, a few sessions in, told me she is amazed I am still here. My reply, is always... my kids keep me here. They are the reason I continue to live out my life on this planet... that and the fact that I have been blessed with a life, so really, I better make the most of it, however alien the world seems, and however difficult this particular life seems to be. Life, now, is actually better that it has ever been.. a gorgeous, loving and understanding husband, better relationships with family and friends, two amazing children and my art, my writing, the wonderful web, and a future that hopefully holds some great things.

About 15 years ago, during another challenging time of my life, my tarot teacher once said to me 'The hardest steel is tempered in the hottest fire'. That has stuck with me ever since. To be strong, to understand another person's pain, to feel empathy, to be able to help, heal, you need to undergo it yourself. I never consciously asked for this path, it just is... I find most of my life is 'out of my hands' these days. I rely on my instinct, on catching the wave and feeling the flow. I guess that with that comes the storms that turn the boat over, throw you into the water and leave you fighting for your life. What I wish though is that it didn't affect my family and friendships so much. 

So I'm doing my best. To understand, to learn, to develop and grow. I wanted to share all this stuff as I do freak out some times and think that everyone must think I am completely nuts, or just a depressive personality with no joy or fun, but that's not the case. I'm just different, and dealing with some really weird shit that no body gave me a manual for! Thank you to everyone who contacted me with kind words and who offered the hand of support. I'm sorry I couldn't accept, and especially sorry if my actions or words hurt or upset anyone...

I'm still 'coming round', settling down. It takes a while to flush out the adrenaline and anxiety, it takes even longer to get rid of the guilt and the feeling of embarrassment and shame, but writing this, focusing on some art will help, and hopefully I will re-integrate what I've learned through all this and next time wont be so bad... I have no idea how many of these I need to go through, but I couldn't actually begin to count the times that this sort of thing has happened. The last time was 6 months ago at the Autumn Equinox (pattern? who knows!)

Love to you all, and thank you for being a friend, in whatever capacity... (cyber, real life.. it's all the same)

Cat xx

Pisces New Moon

Tonight is the Pisces New Moon.  At 19.54 (UK Time) this evening, the area of the sky called Pisces will have a total of 7 planets occupying it.  This is a pretty rare line up.  Mars, Venus, Mercury, Chiron, Neptune, the Sun AND now the Moon.

(C)WikimediaCommons

My natal Sun and Mercury are in Pisces in the 11th House, so this moon is bringing up thoughts around friends, groups, organisations and the collective.  It can also highlight how I become my true self, in relation to the collective groups around me.  As it was my birthday just 4 days ago, this new moon and the positions of all the planets will signal the theme of my coming year.

Mercury is still currently retrograde, and as a mercurial being, I often feel the effects of this.  A slowing down, being a little less productive with writing.  It can have an effect with my relationship with my partner too as a Gemini Sun, he too finds himself withdrawing a little during a retrograde, and little arguments or misunderstanding seems to occur.  Mercury goes direct again on March 17th.

The energy has been tense to say the least.  Myself, and many people around me are feeling the energies at play.  It's tense and INTENSE.  We've also just had Mother's Day in the UK.. so women and talk of the mother are all over the web.  Pisces always brings us back to the spiritual matters in life, it reminds us of the need for a spiritual practice, however small and understated.  Symptoms of all this Pisces has been frazzled nerves, daydreaming, strong intuition, messages, signs, intense dreams... being easily distracted... 

(like I just did while writing this.. gazing out the window I notice the roofing on the shed is flapping about very ungraciously in the wind, exposing the wood underneath... it's trying to snow and this could end in shed disaster, so I broke away from the blog to go stick a heavy piece of wood on it)

(oooh... there's the postman at the door with new art materials  **big smiling heart** might as well make a fresh cuppa while I'm up)

The antidote, if you like, is to meditate, to dream.  It IS to take time out and be still and quiet.  It's time to repair, restore and revive.  Getting creative just for creation sake is beneficial right now.  Recognizing and connecting to your source of power.  Honoring it, developing it.

I spent the last couple of days painting.  I haven't painted in a very long time  With more and more ideas flowing freely.  I feel like's I've finally found a way to work on canvas, without compromising my style or changing it too much.  It's exciting, and I feel like I just want to go from canvas to canvas.. create, create, create...

Although now, I find myself a bit lost again.  I'm due to bleed soon.  I've had the warning signs it's imminent.  Last month it came 2 days after new moon.  My cycle has adjusted itself naturally to the moon.  I've been off any form of hormones/birth control for almost 2 years.  I ovulate when the moon is fat and round in the sky, I bleed when the moon is dark and new.
I slept all morning today.  It's freezing outside, with the strong winds and snow showers making it bitter.  I could have happily stayed there, but that nagging little voice that tells me I should be up with the Sun, I should be being productive... so I get up and find something to do.

Although I want to crack on and paint, focus and write, it feel impossible right now.  I think I will happily wander through my day being led in all sorts of directions.  I don't really want to speak to anyone, or be anywhere busy.  The thought of having to pop to the supermarket is not appealing.

My body is preparing to bleed.  It's almost ready.  My mind, as it is so often at this time, is somewhere else.  I'm clumsy and forgetful, easily irritated and feeling very lethargic and tired.  As a mother I have to push through this and find a solution to the kids getting fed this evening and me staying as calm as possible.  Any stress around me now builds up like a gas.  One spark and BOOM...

I don't want any cosmic sized explosions.  I know what I need to do, so all it takes is a little preparation.  All these energies will dissipate slowly over the coming weeks.  This is significant as Pisces is the last sign of the zodiac.  A whole new cycle starts when the Sun moves into Aries.  With all these planets in Pisces it suggests that many cycles are coming to an end.   The planets all move at different speeds, but we see them all arriving at the station at once this year, with them all gearing up to shift into youthful, firey, impulsive Aries.  Mars and the Moon leave tomorrow.  The Sun changes signs March 20th, Venus leaves March 21st and Mercury then moves on April 13th.  Chiron will stay in Pisces till 2019 and Neptune will stay in Pisces until 2025.

The fog will begin to clear.  The light will return.  However uncomfortable the energies are at the moment, know that they will begin to shift soon.  Clarity and energy will return, and hopefully this will coincide with longer days, warmer weather and a few sunny days.

In Gaia's year, the Goddess is almost at pre-ovulation.  The bleeding may even be over, but she's in that limbo land, where Winter is refusing to let go and allow her to move into the Spring.  Patience is needed.  Continue to plan, lay foundations.  You may feel you are champing at the bit, but a false start will only lead to more problems.  This time of year is like the pause between breaths in yoga.  It's where there can be a deepening, and extension of the space.  It's dark and calm.  We will all be able to breathe in deeply again soon and admire the view, but for now we are on our own, in our own little foggy worlds.  Enjoy the peace when you can get it.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  Connect to your higher self and tell them where you want to go, ask them for advice.  Insights for the coming year are in your grasp...  There has never been a better time.

New Posters available!

Finally!  After lots of work the Menstrual Cycle Visual Guide is now available for sale!

A4, printed on heavy FSC paper, this provides a handy visual guide to the menstrual cycle.  Useful for education purposes and to aid personal understanding of the cycle.

Single posters are £8 (price includes worldwide shipping) but are cheaper when purchased as part of a pack or as a multiple poster purchase.

Just go my my POSTER SHOP to browse the poster packs available!

This is just fantastic!