Dhumavati

It was cycle day 25.

I was standing in the garden. Sun was shining and it actually felt like spring! While chatting to to my mother and sister in law, I see a huge, and I mean HUGE black crow, fly straight into the window of the house out the back. Everyone turned round to see what had made the loud noise, and we all watched as the crow that had landed on the porch of the house, launched itself at the window to the right. Another almighty knock and off it flew... We were all amazed to see it fly off unharmed, as the noise was beak cracking.

Straight away a memory came to the fore. A few days ago... I saw a crow do the same thing to the same house... Hmm... when had I been out in the garden (there haven't been many days warm enough). Last Monday (Cycle day 20). George was finishing off the shed roof. It was sunny. I was out the back and witnessed the same thing, although this one hadn't come back for seconds, just crashed into the window and flew off behind the house..

Then, another recent memory pop's into my mind. Last weekend Fae had been singing 'Sing a song of sixpence'. She'd found an old childhood book of mine and found this one ditty very amusing, puzzling and worthy of much chatter. She kept showing me the picture... black birds flying around a pie.

Crows and black birds had been in my mind for a while, I have been planning to draw or paint a crow or crows, and it's not the first time. A couple of years or so ago I was called by the crow. I think now and then our paths cross, only I hadn't really connected before.

After researching the common meanings of the crow, I googled Hindu Crow (I have been looking a lot at Hindu Deities after hearing Durga's call recently) and up came Dhumavati.

Dhumavati is the hag, the crone, the old, dark goddess. Her name means 'The Smoky One'. 

She is the void, the dissolved form of consciousness. Her creature is the crow, a carrion eater and symbol of death and decay. Some stories say she has crow like features. She is often pictured on a horseless carriage with a winnowing basket (a tool used for sorting the wheat from the chaff), a spear or sword, a broom and a kapala (a bowl made from a human skull). She can be found in 'the wounds of the world'... cemeteries, cremation grounds, smoky fires, deserts, ruined houses and wild dangerous places. 

She is often named as the seventh Mahavidya. The Mahavidyas (Great Wisdoms) are a group of the ten aspects of the Divine Mother. The 10 Mahavidyas are Wisdom Goddesses, who represent a spectrum of feminine divinity, from horrific goddesses at one end, to the gentle at the other.

She is now a widow, but was once Shiva's first consort Sati. Sati's hunger was insatiable, she demanded food constantly and could never be satisfied. Shiva refused her demands, so she announced she would eat him instead. After consuming her husband, Shiva, he demanded her to disgorge him, which she did with reluctance. He then cursed her and condemned her to a lifetime of widowhood. On hearing this smoke emanated from her, clouding her beauty. He named her Dhumavati. She was from that moment on, alone, banished to the cemetary where she stole clothes from the dead.

She obscures and reveals. She reveals those things that are imperfect and disappointing. She is defeat, loss, destruction and loneliness. She is cruel, ugly and disheveled. She is the embodiment of lust and ignorance. Always hungry and thirsty, she yearns for food and drink. She likes to create conflict, arguments and invokes fear. Dhumavati is always in a sad state and represents unsatisfied desires. She makes herself a widow by swallowing her husband Shiva in an act of power, independence and self assertion.

She teaches us that life is a struggle. You learn from the negative experiences in life and through them, you develop wisdom. She points out the negative, so you can learn from it. The bowl of fire she holds burns ignorance and also symbolises that all things are eventually destroyed. She is often pictured making a boon conferring gesture (Varada mudra) or knowledge giving gesture (Cinmudra). These hand postures open up a more positive aspect to this goddess. A boon is something to be thankful for, a blessing. She represents the wisdom that can be found through experience, the knowledge that hides in the smoke.

Dhumavati asks us to look beyond small ambitions. She may seem like a dark and negative inauspicious Goddess, but she offers special powers and knowledge. She instills a desire to be alone, to go within, to delve into ourselves. Without a consort she is free to follow her spiritual path, free of family responsibilities.

"Dhumavati symbolically portrays the disappointments, frustrations, humiliation, defeat, loss, sorrow and loneliness that a woman endures. She is the knowledge that comes through hard experiences, after the youthful desires and fantasies are put behind. Dhumavati thus represents a stage of woman’s life that is beyond worldly desires, beyond the conventional taboos of what is polluting or inauspicious. She desires to be free and at the same time she likes to be useful to the family and to the society." http://vedicgoddess.weebly.com/3/post/2012/08/devi-dhumavati.html

The crow symbol also has a positive side. They are symbolic of hearing ‘unheard’ sounds. Crows can hear very low sound frequencies, inaudible to humans. They also show remarkable intelligence. In Hindu belief, crows are considered ancestors as seen during sraddha practice of offering food or panda. Crows ask us to listen carefully to your instincts, feelings and dreams.

She is associated it the waning and dark moon. Goddess Dhumavati is a good teacher. By obscuring or covering all that is known, Dhumavati reveals the depth of the unknown. Dhumavati obscures what is evident in order to reveal the hidden and the profound. Honor her by lighting incense or creating a smoky fire. Offer her flowers, wine, food and anything else indulgent. Worship her alone. She is for you and you alone. Dhumavati is also known as Alakshmi, the anti-lakshmi. Lakshmi is the Goddess of family, hearth and home. Dhumavarti is the opposite. Alone, away from the home. She looks after unmarried people, the single, widowed, the poor, beggars and the diseased.

The day after the crow/window incident, my attention was drawn to a local church. It is no longer used as a church, but is now part of the Church Heritage Trust. It is one of my favourite places, and usually quiet and 'abandoned'. I felt I just HAD to go there. I took some incense with me to light in honour of Dhumavati. A walk in the grave yard led me to two black feathers. I went inside the church and placed the feathers on the altar and lit the incense. I sat for a while, alone in the church. The stained glass was memerising, and the incense broke up the cold musty church smell. I left just as a local turned up to the church. Perfect timing! As I drove home, one word popped into my head. Acknowlegement. I hadn't really known why I'd felt compelled to go the church, but on the way back I understood. That simple act had been a show of acknowledgement. She's made me aware of her presence, so I made her aware I had listened and that she existed to me.

I began drawing on Day 2.  Just after the New Moon. In full bleed, with full connection to the energy. Crow images have filled my news feed, and I was having constant thoughts about the smoky Goddess. Images, ideas and visions flowing through my mind. The image had been nagging me for days, it's call getting louder and louder till I could ignore it no more. The image was finished at the same time as I stopped bleeding. When I create a shamanic piece of work, something I am called to create, it flows... it draws itself in a way. I am just a channel.

The more I read about Dhumavati, the more I could relate her to menstruation. She IS the energy many fear, the energy women with PMDD battle with. She is The Critic, The Bitch, The Unsatisfied. The bleeding phase is attributed to the crone, but where else do we get a description of the crone energy in so much detail as with the legend of Dhumavati? When our pre menstrual tempers fly and we act like a spoilt children, we are showing that insatiable desire, we are demanding it our way. Many times in this phase I have broken off relationships and wanted to walk away from my family... and yes, the desire to be alone with my thoughts, with myself, was powering that. I wanted to be the widow, and I would create the situation so I could end up alone. I would toy with thoughts of death during this time. My worst suicidal moments have been in the days before my period was due. Do I break up with my man and become alone, a widow? Do I walk out on my kids and create that loneliness and sadness? Do I end it all now, be transformed in my death? the ultimate tragic story?

I look back and I can see the Dhumavati moments. I can recall how I felt. I have felt how Dhumavati feels. I know that desire, that frustration when things don't work out the way you want them, the fear, the deep sadness. What I missed before was the boons, the blessings, the things I could have been learning if only I had understood. When the anger hits, the disappointment, the seemingly random and uncalled for actions and words wanting to destroy everything around you, you are feeling Dhumavati energy. What is REALLY behind the anger? What is REALLY the desire that isn't being fulfilled? Look at your life. What are you denying yourself? What are you hungry for? I think those crazy moments before a bleed are down to those things deep within that want to be fulfilled, lived out, worked on and learned from. Sort the wheat from the chaff, sweep the room, get rid of the rubbish in your life that you don't need... those things that make life harder. Look within. It may be difficult to figure out what it is you want from life, that is the nature of smoke and darkness, but keep looking, it will come, it will become clear. Learn from The Smoky One. Don't allow her energy to rule you, to create quarrels and situations where you end up the widow (unless, that is what you want!) On the other hand, her energy can really help with ridding things from your life you don't need anymore. In some relationships, the widow option is the better one, for the sake of your sanity and future!

In the winter phase, menstruation, we are cleansing. The unfertilised egg is being cleansed from the body ready for a new cycle. The body and mind feels a sadness for the potential that didn't become a life, maybe we also sense the frustration of a perfectly good egg going to waste... we begin to analyse the rest of our life. Where am I going? What good am I? I've wasted my life, I should be alone, I am a failure... Even in her condemnation, Dhumavati found the positive. She turned to the people that needed help, that are alone, that are outcast from society. She helps us to find the wisdom we all have inside, while at the same time encouraging us to look at whether we are fulfilling our own potential. She helps us to see what is holding us back, and what is good and bad for us in our lives.

So, with thanks to Dhumavati...

Dhum Dhum Dhumavati Svaha - Dhumavati's mantra is said to create a protective smoke shield that protects you from negativity and death. It helps remove illusions and allows you to see the unseen. Meditate on the void, the emptiness, the darkness. It enables us to 'read between the lines', to see past our initial judgements and prejudices. Don't look at the subject, look around the subject.

I never expected that seeing a crow hit a window would take me on such a journey, but it did... and I for one, am very grateful.

Namaste

We pretend to be strong because we are weak.

This post was originally written for my PMDD blog, but is relevant to all women, whether they have PMS, PMDD, or suffer with anger problems because of life 'stuff', so I thought I'd share here too...

“We pretend to be strong because we are weak.”
― Paulo Coelho

I'm waiting to bleed, it's day 28.

I find myself crying again, I can feel the rush of hormones. My man asks if I'm OK...

A year or so ago, I may have flown into a rage, angry over being asked. I may have just gone quiet and said, I'm fine, or leave me alone. Nowadays, I dive into his arms and cry into is chest. I accept his love, his concern and feel better for a hug and his understanding when I am feeling like my world is about to be upturned.

This got me thinking (especially as I am in pre-menstrual thinking overdrive).

Women with PMDD deal with an extreme amount of rage, anger, self loathing and fear. We feel weak and inadequate. We cannot deal with the same amount of stress that other people can.

Society tells us that as women, we should be able to handle everything life throws at us and cope with it all. There has been a big deal made out of women needing to be as strong as their male counterparts. Equal in every way.... except, we aren't.

Women may feel that they cannot possibly show weakness. They cannot let on to their partners, family, work colleagues that they are finding things hard. This happens to all women to some extent, but with PMDD, it's much more extreme, as the hormones seem to take over and control us. The false moods and irrational thoughts leave us feeling out of control, weak and unable to complete the simplest of tasks.

What happens when we feel inadequate? If we can't over compensate by becoming super woman to prove we are just as good as the men, or other more stable women, then we end up feeling frustrated at ourselves, and our situation. We end up angry and full of fight.. defensive. Even with the people we love. We don't want them to see our weaknesses. We don't want them to have to 'look after us' as that makes us far from the strong independent capable women that society says we should be.

I found this article. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wander-woman/201107/the-greatest-weakness-strong-women It's got nothing to do with PMDD, but tells the story of a high powered business woman who finally let down her defenses to save her relationship. As I read, I realised even more that showing weakness is hard for every woman, but to do so can actually help save floundering relationships and bring people closer together.

I look back over my own life and my own PMDD story and find the fight and defensiveness there at every turn. Right from a child, I knew that to cry in public was a sign of weakness, and that to get on in the world we have to be able to do what the men do. Work, earn, provide... I was always embarrassed by my mother's ability to sob in public, she would cry at the drop of a hat, especially to an emotional song or film, and quite often, I would feel the lump in my throat and the tears building, but I would not allow myself to cry. Cry baby. Soppy cow. Why are are you crying? I often had no explanation to explain why I felt like crying, and didn't want to answer that question. I have always avoided films and music that are liable to make me cry. 

In my youth, I turned to Heavy Metal music, especially the stuff sung (or screamed) by women. I wanted nothing more than to experience those strong emotions. The 'fuck you' of a woman screaming and roaring as good as any man. The lack of tears, the abundance of hate and anger. I related. I felt it made me strong and equal. Another mask to put on to the world. Men often became a target in the lyrics, with one of my favourite female bands (Otep) even writing a song called 'Menocide'. Yet now, that kinda turns my stomach, for there is nothing gained in the pendulum swinging all the way over to the other side. At the time it fed my need to be strong, to be like a man. When women act like men, what do the men do? When women are downing pints and shots at the pub alongside their male peers, fighting and brawling in the street, what do men see? Women? Or women who are more like their male friends? In which case, why should they treat us like women, when we don't act like one?

During PMDD days, I can sob at an advert, or a situation in a soap opera. I still feel that shame. I still feel embarrassed. Although, I am working on that. There IS no shame in feeling emotion. There is no shame in feeling so deep that a song, or lyrics send you into a tearful mess. There is no shame in admitting that you feel low, or for even crying when there appears to be no reason for it.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”
― Washington Irving 

During my PMDD weepiness, I may be crying for all the pain I've ever felt in my life, for all the pain my ancestors may have gone through. I may be crying for all the cruelty and poverty there is in the world. I may be crying just because I need to cry. Why should I feel shame for that?

Menstruation connects us to a deeper place. It connects us to our ancestors and can bring about great insight and learning. Women ARE more sensitive at this time. FACT.

The shame and embarrassment brings on a reaction of needing to cover it. I don't want people to think I am weak, over sensitive, over emotional or stupid. How can I explain the tears?

Men don't do this. I am highlighting our gender differences. Maybe I am letting the feminist side down. I am weak and giving men a reason to see me (women) as weak.

Women sometimes cry easier in the presence of another woman. A close friend or aunt may console us. We know that we sometimes need to 'let it all out', but to do that in front of a man? When most men feel uncomfortable with that amount of emotion pouring out from the soul? To do that in front of our partners and husbands? That seems alien to a lot of us, despite both parties claiming to love one another.

This need to remain strong and collected in front of our men is what brings about the complete opposite in emotions. We don't want them to see us a weak. We don't want to admit we need them to protect us and keep us safe. With equality and all the blurred lines between male and female roles, men just don't know what to do, and if we are pushing them away and denying them the chance to protect and show us compassion, we are then stealing away their opportunity to fulfil their role within the relationship.

Ladies with PMDD often end up directing all this anger and frustration at their partners as a smoke screen. We overcompensate and allow ourselves to become strong, so strong we are fierce and aggressive. We are like crazed warriors about to go into battle. Only there is no battle. There is someone we love who desperately wants to help, who wants to be able to 'do something' to make it all better. We fight them, because to allow them to help, to allow ourselves to fall into their arms and cry and say we can't cope right now is to show them we are weak, and with that brings about a whole manner of inadequacies that appear to no longer be socially acceptable.

'Other women cope' Other women manage to hold down a job, have kids, study, cook, clean and stay sane all month long so why not me/us? We feel that our PMDD makes us inferior.  It doesn't. It makes us different. It makes us super sensitive. If women with PMDD can embrace this aspect and shake off the stigma of showing signs of weakness the anger is calmed. As I type this, so many memories come to mind. I can feel the tickle in my nose, the tears building up. Have no reason to be crying right now, yet the tears want to come.

As a woman, I am an emotional being. I want to fully embrace what it is to be a woman. The past 2 years have seen me stop fighting. I accept, I surrender, I have learned to feel comfortable crying around my man. I go with the flow and allow safe passage to whatever needs to manifest. Who am I to censor myself? Who am I to curb, halt, or stop the feelings that need to flow?

It is no wonder we have come to be like this. In days gone by, women with PMDD would have been called Witches. Demonic. We would have been misunderstood as being possessed by the devil and locked up in asylums... another reason to want to stay secret, to hide away, to remain anonymous. Women have undergone so many terrible punishments for being female. Showing any sign of intuition became labelled as witchcraft or possession. Hundreds of thousands of women died during the witch trials, who were no more than healers, midwives, herbalists and quite possibly women with PMDD, women who were sensitive to their hormones, who felt the rages and let them out, who acted as if they were possessed by a demon. I know that some of my tears must be for them, and my ancestors, some of which must surely have been caught up in the terror. In the UK, it is a mere 61 years since the repeal of the Witchcraft Act, yet to this day, in many other countries, women still face charges like this, often with the penalty of death.

So in many ways it is no wonder there is a such a stigma attached to women with mood disorders, whether they use their intuitive abilities or not, the outward signs of PMDD are frowned upon and still come with a hefty amount of shame, guilt and penalties for not being consistently able to live like everyone else.

Women need to reclaim what it is to be a women. We need to celebrate out difference, and not feel ashamed to embrace our feminine nature. Next time you fight with your partner, just stop for a second and ask yourself why you are fighting. Is there a legitimate reason to be fronting up to your partner? Or deep down, do you really just need a big hug and some reassurance that everything will be OK?

I can't being to describe how much this has helped my relationship. After swearing I would never marry again, I find myself a wife once more. My husband is not my enemy. My husband can provide me with protection, with love, with safety from everything else that is bad in the world. I am lucky to have such a man, who accepts his male role, however strange it may seem to others. But this is only possible because I allow him to take on that role. I trust him enough to let him see me during my weak moments. He doesn't expect me to be strong all the time. He doesn't value me any less because I have these moments. By blowing away the smoke screen, the façade, the pretence that I am 'fine' all the time, we have been able to develop a much closer relationship.

My hope is that more women, especially the ones who suffer with PMDD will begin to embrace what it really means to be female, and find strength in what other perceive to be weakness. It is not a weakness if you need to take time out, if you need a break, to cry, to sleep, or to dream. It is not a weakness if you are string enough to be honest.  Honesty is by far the strongest action, and to admit you need help, love, a hug, is to put out the raging fire and unite with someone in a warm glow of friendship, companionship, compassion and love.

“We are all travellers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.”
― Robert Louis Stevenson

“Hiding how you really feel and trying to make everyone happy doesn't make you nice, it just makes you a liar.”
― Jenny O'Connell

“You wear a mask for so long, you forget who you were beneath it.”
― Alan Moore, (V for Vendetta)

“Do not consider me now as an elegant female intending to plague you, but as a rational creature speaking the truth from her heart.”
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it.”
― Marilyn Monroe (Marilyn)

All quotes from http://www.goodreads.com

©Cat Hawkins 2012

7 years...

7 years ago, I was about to give birth...

She weighed 8lb 8oz and was born in my bedroom, in a birthing pool.
I was in labour for almost 8 hours.   From approx 3am.  Pain relief - tens machine, gas and air... warm water...

Fae Zanna was born at 11.45am on the 3rd July 2005, and she shares my Grandmothers (her Great Grandmothers) Birthday.

My Grandmother would have been 96 this year!  This photo was taken on the last birthday they shared together...  Fae was 2.

And here is my baby girl now!  next to her, her big sister, who is almost 14!

Happy Birthday Fae!

The Magic of the Menstrual Cycle

The Magic of the Menstrual Cycle
Female Shamanism and Spirituality.by Cat Stone (Hawkins)
Published in Indie Shaman Magazine Jan 2012 www.indieshaman.co.uk.

Woman is by nature a shaman – Chukchee Proverb

For many years it has been believed that shamans were male.  Along with many other faiths, it has been the male that takes on the more 'powerful' role.  An uprising in Goddess faiths over the past 50 years has been trying to re-claim the feminine as an equal and valid energy.
I was always drawn to the Goddess faiths.  Paganism and witchcraft in particular.  The identification with The Goddess was for me, more natural than a male deity.  In witchcraft, a woman can strive to become a High Priestess, equal to that of the male High Priest, or as a hedge-witch, on a more solitary path, she is encouraged to develop her own strength and power, and to really learn about herself and how to tune into the natural energies around us. 

Fifty years ago, in the Czech Republic, ancient remains were found (c 30,000 bc) in the Pavlov hills.  Along with the skeleton, the archaeologists found a spear head, placed near the head of the body, traces of red ochre and a fox skeleton, held in the hand of the human remains.  The body had been buried beneath two mammoth shoulder blades, pitched together to form a roof.  It was established this was a shaman grave.  The bones were then analysed and to everybody's surprise, it was revealed to be a woman.  This began to question the long held belief that all shamans were male.

A later excavation of the site, uncovered a clay oven, full of thousands of tiny hands, feet and body parts.  Broken remnants of animal figurines were also found.  This shaman woman was an artisan, creating talismans and trinkets rather than household items.  These were the oldest forms of ceramic creations the archaeologists had ever found, and probably one of the first ever kilns.

So, the oldest shaman burial site ever found, contained the remains of a female shaman.

There are many myths surrounding women in ancient societies.  One of the biggest and most degrading is that when the tribal women menstruated, they were banished to a 'Moon Lodge' and were not allowed back to until bleeding had finished.  The idea that bleeding was dirty and needed to be kept away from the rest of the group has long been the reasoning for this. 
This is far from the reality.

Ancient societies saw the power in a menstruating woman.  Women were far more in tune with their bodies and surroundings.  They would feel the changes inside them, they would use these energies  and a woman's cycle was to be honoured.  When women left their men and children behind to menstruate with others in a safe and secluded space, they left because their energies were no longer about the outside 'normal' world.  Cooking, cleaning, and general activities were put on hold, and the women went to be alone, or to congregate together with other women during their bleed.  What mattered during this time was the inside world.  Messages, signals, voices would come to these women during their menstruation.  They would vision, journey, sleep and dream.  They would spend time contemplating and unravelling the messages.

The access to other realms becomes easier at this time.  Senses are heightened.  Sensitivity to sound, smell and light would allow a woman to become more aware.  The natural tendency to withdraw at this time of the month, allows a woman to become quiet, in tune and open to listen and feel.

Menstruation could sometimes lead to great insights for the rest of the community.  Answers were found and decisions were made based on the women's insights during menstruation.  Women were honoured and respected.  Their bodies naturally went through a cycle of death and re-birth every month in sync with the Moon, they obtained an altered state every month, without even trying.  Women bled, but did not die.  Women could provide sacrificial blood, without anything having to lose life.  Blood, life force, ancestral power... Women held it all within their cycles.

Barbara Walker, in her book Women's Encyclopedia of Myths and Secrets says:

Most words for menstruation also meant such things as incomprehensible, supernatural, sacred, spirit, deity. Like the Latin sacer, old Arabian words for "pure" and "impure" both applied to menstrual blood and to that only. The Maoris stated explicitly that human souls are made of menstrual blood, which when retained in the womb "assumes human form and grows into a man". Africans said menstrual blood is "congealed to fashion a man". Aristotle said the same: human life is made of a "coagulum" of menstrual blood. Pliny called menstrual blood "the material substance of generation," capable of forming "a curd, which afterwards in process of time quickenth and groweth to the form of a body". This primitive notion of the prenatal function of menstrual blood was still taught in European medical schools up to the 18th century.

In modern society, women are so disconnected from their menstrual cycles.  Our period has become a taboo subject, something to remain private and unspoken, or make us feel embarrassed and ashamed.  Modern women try their hardest to ignore this natural rhythm, cursing their bleed and hating their cycle.  The changes in hormones within our body can have dramatic effects on our internal energy, which in turn, needs changes to be made on the outside to compensate.

To be able to use the energies of the menstrual cycle effectively, you first need to understand the 4 main phases of the cycle.  In pagan terms, visualise a wheel of the year and the 4 quarter points, Winter Solstice, Spring Equinox, Summer Solstice and Autumn Equinox.  In general terms, think of the seasons of the year.  The menstrual cycle is a cycle of creativity, and so the following principles can be applied to any creative venture.  Why is the menstrual cycle a cycle of creativity?  Because it's sole purpose is to create, to manifest.  From spark, to flame, to fire, to ashes, to spark again... it is a symbolic creative process that can be applied to many aspects of life.

The cycle comes in 4 phases:
Menstruation (days 1-7)  - Winter – Dark/New Moon - Crone
Pre-Ovulation (days 7-14)  - Spring – Waxing Moon - Maiden
Ovulation (days 14-21)  - Summer - Full Moon - Mother
Pre-Menstruation (days 21-28)   - Autumn – Waning Moon – Mother/Crone

This is based on a 28 day cycle, which is the average.  However, every cycle varies in length, so these 'brackets' may be slightly different for each woman.  The one constant is that you will always ovulate 14 days before menstruation.

By applying what we know of the seasons, we can look at the menstrual cycle in a whole different way.

The Spring (Pre-Ovulation) is a time of new growth.  It is a time of innocence and playfulness.  Light and warmth are coming back to a dark earth.  Buds are opening, the daylight is growing.  The Spring Equinox bring us promise and animals pro-creating.  The Earth is waking up.  Everything is fertile and the energy is to nurture new growth, feed it and begin to wake up from the winter's sleep.  We stretch and move again.  Test the water.  It is in this phase of the menstrual cycle we will find the energy to begin projects, to develop ideas and plan ahead.

The Summer (Ovulation) is a time to manifest.  The body is open and ready to create.  It is highly fertile and flirty.  The Sun has returned to the earth, and it's time to enjoy the sunny days.  Get out and socialise, work on projects, finish projects...  Like the Summer Solstice, we rejoice and worship the Sun.  This is the time in our cycle we need to be connecting to people and relaxing in our outside world.  It can also be a time of vulnerability, and it is important that we keep ourselves grounded.  It is all to make risky decisions or get carried away in the moment at this time.

The Autumn (Pre-Menstruation) is a time of harvest and withdrawal.  This energy can be really tough for some women.  During this phase, our focus begins to turn inwards in preparation for menstruation.  We can feel disconnected from life and our mind can become negative and critical.  We harvest and complete projects and tasks, ready to withdraw from the outside world all together, like the Autumn Equinox, we remember the past.  If the pressure is on to remain in the outside world, we can become even more confused and irritable.  This phase slows us down and brings our attention back to our own needs.  It is during this phase that women can feel out of control, and suffer from PMS or PMDD.

The Winter (Menstruation) brings our focus deep within ourselves.  We are no longer interested in the outside world.  Our mind may be busy with thoughts from the past, negative experiences or trauma.  Winter solstice is the darkest point in our year, and a time to study and learn, to keep safe and warm.  Women may experience difficult physical symptoms during this phase.  Cramps, tiredness and irritability are all signs that you need to relax into the darkness and look after yourself.  It is essential that you honour this part of the cycle.  You are in the most sacred time of the month.  Pay attention to your dreams and visions.  Sleep lots.  When we look after ourselves during our cycle, especially during this winter phase, we have a better chance of a great Spring and Summer.

When you realise the process of menstruation is so deeply connected to our spiritual energies, it opens up brand new pathways for healing and living life in sync with nature.  Unfortunately, many women still opt for the Pill or other hormonal treatments to 'cure' the mood swings, to stop the pain, or regulate the cycle.  This disconnects us from our natural healing and cycle.  It stops us from accessing our inner well of power.

Women are trying to be good wives, mothers, lovers, friends and employees, but we are also in a constant cycle.  Our energy ebbs and flows, it is powerful and won't be denied or ignored  It is where it draws our attention that is critical.  If our natural energy wants to retreat during pre-menstruation, but we ignore that and force ourselves to work against that, we will almost certainly end up more stressed.  Life will feel difficult, and you will feel more tired and angry.  I believe women with PMS and the more extreme form PMDD are suffering from disconnection from their cycles.  They are working against the body's natural rhythm and the knock on effects can be devastating.

It is easy to begin working with the cycle.  Observe, listen and feel the energies.  If you need more information, I would recommend reading The Women's Quest Workbook by Alexandra Pope www.womensquest.org.  It was this book that has really helped me to realise how to work with my cycle in a spiritual way, and it kick started my own healing and understanding.
I have recently attended a Creating Menstrual Health workshop with Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer in London.  It was so reassuring to hear other women's stories and experiences with their cycles.  It has opened me up further to the world of possibilities that lie in working with the menstrual cycle and I get to practice a full cycle every month!  I would highly recommend the workshop if you want to go deeper into your own cycle.  You can read more about my day at the workshop here, http://naturalshaman.blogspot.co.uk/2011/11/creating-menstrual-health-workshop-with.html

There are also many groups popping up online and all around the globe.  In America, many women are starting up Red Tent Temple's.  A space for women to gather and talk and learn from each other.  Some good places to start are:

http://alisastarkweather.com/
http://awakeningwomen.com/

or just simple Google Red Tent Temple and your country/city to see what's going on where you live.

The cycle does not stop during and after menopause.  Although the body may stop a physical cycle, the spiritual aspect continues,  often syncing with the moon cycle, and in this Crone phase of life, the energies are even more powerful and deep.

Women do not learn magic, women are magic.  It is nature, it is our birthright, and we should be forever thankful for the opportunities our menstrual cycles bring us.  Women are Natural Shamans, they just need to understand and use the power they hold within.

About Cat Stone

I am an artist living in the beautiful Hampshire countryside.  I have two wonderful children (both girls) and a dog called Ember.  Over the past 15 years I have been involved in witchcraft, paganism, tarot, healing, astrology,mandalas, sacred geometry, aromatherapy, colour therapy and crystals.  I am a qualified aromatherapist and have studied the tarot.  My journey has always been made difficult as I have had Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder since I began my periods age 13.  After years of suffering from this severe mood disorder and every medication making the problem worse, I have decided to walk my own path to healing.  I am medication and birth control free for the first time ever and have never felt better in my life.  If I can turn my life around by making friends with my cycle and learn from it, love it rather than hate it, then anyone can!

I have created a unique poster to illustrate the energy of the menstrual cycle, and am hoping to go further with my studies in working with and understanding menstruation.  I believe that women need to re-claim and re-connect with their cycle and I hope my poster will help to plant the seeds...

The A3 poster and further information is available from http://naturalshaman.blogspot.co.uk/p/energy-cycle-poster.html

© Cat Stone 2012


Facts about Menstruation:

• Scholars suggest that pre-modern men and women learned to think numerically by recognizing relationships between groups of numbers that were also units of time measured through menstrual rites.
• Menstruation may have led to humanity’s sense of time as most early lunar calendars were based on the length of a women’s menstrual cycle.
• The term “ritual” is derived from the Sanskrit word R’tu, which means “menstrual.” This etymology suggests that ritual in a general sense and menstrual acts have a common origin.
• At one point in history, women who complained of menstrual cramps (dysmenorrhea) were sent to psychiatrists because menstrual cramps were seen as a rejection of one’s femininity.
• Menstruating blood was often seen as sacred. Sacred means both “set apart” and “cursed.
• The word taboo comes from the Polyneisain tapua, meaning both “sacred” and “menstruation
• Scholars suggest that as matriarchy gave way to patriarchy, menstrual blood taboos were used by men to control women and, consequently, menstrual blood was interpreted away from something powerful to a “disgusting” waste product that had no role in the reproductive process.

(sourced from http://facts.randomhistory.com/random-facts-about-menstruation.html)

I will never forget you...

4 years ago today, I lost a very special lady. Beryl Adelaide Mathers.
My Nan.

Her choices brought my Anglo Indian family from Secunderabad in India to the UK in search of a better, and safer life. She married Ken, a Yorkshire man and engineer in the Merchant Navy. 
She was a nurse during the war and drove an ambulance for the Queen Alexandra's Imperial Military Nursing Service for India. She had 4 children and loved brightly coloured flowers and clothes, sparkles, cooking, birds singing, sunshine, gardening and possessed a wicked sense of humor. 
No one's curry was as good as hers and every ones plants, no matter where they were, were ripe for pinching a cutting from.... 
Alzheimer's took her mind long before her body, but she was still Nan... Mum.. 

I thank the Goddess that she managed to hold my babies in her arms before she left. Fae was born on her birthday and is a joyous reminder of a wonderful woman. 

I love you Nan... Miss you ♥