Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Day 4

It's day 4 of my cycle.  I'm at that point where I'm done with resting, yet it's too soon to start anything.  My mind is still foggy, my attention span small.
Daydreaming is good, so is sitting, staring at things.
My mind goes off on different tangents every few seconds.  It like a rapid internet surf.  One random subject leads on to another and another, and before you know it, 4 hours have passed and you can't remember where you started.

I'm frustrated.  I want my energy back.  These last few days of menstruation are like the month of February...  The winter is not quite over, the earth is still waking up.  There are a few shows of life, but everything is sluggish and slow.  THAT is where I am.  I want it to be May, and the warmth of a new summer beginning,  I'm done with winter.  But that's not how it works.  The wheel turns at it's own pace.

I suffer from SAD in the winter months.  I find winter hard.  It's long, grey, cold and depressing.  I need sunlight so bad.  By February I'm hanging on by a thread, longing for sunny days and warmth.  Just like I am today.  The British summer has been terrible.  It will go down in history as the most depressing summer I'm sure of it.

So today, I forced myself to do something.  I had already thought of a million options, but settled for a piece of paper and some art materials.  I've barely seen anyone in days.  My kids are away and I feel like I've wasted the time, but I've had no energy.  Instead of surrendering, I've tried to fight all week, well, more like beat myself up, there wasn't much energy for fighting.  There wasn't much energy for anything.  All I could think was.. I should be doing this.. I should be doing that.. yet nothing got done.  Household business got done, the washing up got done, but anything for me? No.. because I was stuck in this frustrated state of nothingness.  Tired, lethargic, uninterested.

I feel like a caged lion.  Which is interesting as we are in Leo.  It is also the festival of Lughnasadh or Lammas, a fire festival.  The first harvest.  Oh! and did I mention a full moon in Aquarius... an air sign, therefore increased mental activity?  No wonder the past few days have been hard.

I let my hands draw.  I used ink pencils, water, brush, fineliners and a sharpie.  No masterpiece, I thought, just draw, just create... who cares if it's shit, just focus on something for a bit, DO SOMETHING.

This is what came out....

It's called, quite simply, Day 4.

To see more of my art, go to

1 comment:

  1. Hi, Cat, you've captured the sentiment perfectly. You are double blessed in that you have a way with both words and art. I look at your picture and I think, yes, yes, that's exactly what Day 4 is like.